The weather was pretty pleasant enough. Nevertheless, I had turned the windows up and was enjoying the cool air of the car’s air conditioner on full blast. The traffic was moving smoothly. I looked and savoured the view of nature’s blessing that was complementing the equanimity of my fellow travelers, covering the fiery sun with fluffy pillows of clouds, as we cruised towards our destinations on the highway. Lucky day! A smile was naturally plastered on my face. The tranquil ambience was fluidly rolling over me. It was then that I heard the honk…
The beautiful painting of serenity and harmony was scratched in a corner with it. My mind registered the offense. The pit of my stomach started heating up. I looked in the rear-view mirror to track down the culprit of this disturbance – the vision-blocked person who was unappreciative of and blinded to the beauty of the calm and peace of the moment in time. I localized him. An erratic driver in a black Mustang, ducking in and out of sight, weaving his way through the traffic. My eyes narrowed. The temperature inside my sedan rose slightly. The heat in the pit of my stomach began mobilizing upward. The Mustang was coming my way. The sun seemed to have gained ground in his battle with the clouds as streaks of sunlight peeped through the clouds.
I could see the Mustang more clearly, now. It was just a few cars behind, snaking its way perilously, domineeringly. Red and orange coloured dragon artwork was etched elaborately on its bonnet. My brow furrowed more as my disapproval deepened. The clouds had disunited. The sun blazed victoriously after the coup d’état. The region around my neck warmed intensely – an adornment of ire. My ears turned traitors and joined forces with the sun, flaming. My loss of focus on the road ahead caused me to suddenly hit the brakes. That was a close call! I chided myself for losing my focus and almost being the source of harm to another innocent person. The traffic had slowed, considerably. Red backlights of the cars glowered angrily in concert with my thoughts.
An outraged horn blared right behind me. The car barely avoided colliding with that serpent. The sniveling Mustang creeped from behind my car and stood adjacent to me. It was dressed up as a blind who decides to hip hop. The windows were tinted jet black. Hiding in the dark, you coward! I sensed a growl in my throat. The blood in the veins of my temple began pulsating dangerously. The cars inched ahead. He made a sharp obtuse thirty degree angle turn towards my lane. Towards my spot. All my muscles were throbbing and pulsing as a tsunami of adrenaline filled blood rushed towards them, gearing them up for the unseen and the unknown ahead. My fingers curled tightly around the steering wheel, my brain flooding my mind’s HD screen with appetizing visuals of my hands around his neck, snapping it into two. The blood in my veins was swelling, waiting to explode. I inched further, barring him from over taking me. He slowly retracted ten degrees of his prior angle. Re-weighing his moves and options.
Then, he revved up his engine, not once, nor twice, but thrice, while in park, dictatorially. I, involuntarily, growled deeper in reply. The blood in my brain had turned lava. I could feel it splashing hotly on the inner walls of my head. The temperature in the car was, strangely and uncharacteristically, hot. The car in front of me, all of a sudden, sped a yard ahead. The Mustang took complete advantage of this unexpected favourable moment for him, grinded its wheels around and vroomed its body across my path. I, in turn, grinded my teeth. The Mustang and its body of enraged dragon artwork, smugly standing across my way, my path, my spot, triggered off the eruption of natural calamities within my being. The explosion was now in progress, there was no reverse gear for it. Seething white hot anger enveloped my heart. It cemented the total destruction in store. My limbs rebelled against my nervous system, my motor system accepted its new master, and I pressed, pressed hard, on the accelerator.
I did not hear nor feel the crash. I felt nothing. Except an inner rage. Not a roaring rage. An unfeeling, heartless cold rage. My heart was no longer pumping me blood. It was pumping venom working as fuel for my wrath. The world turned mute. The shocked faces depicting horror and disbelief had no effect on me. My eyes saw them, but my mind did not register anything. I just saw red. I saw red when I beheld that black vehicle, with its conceited and jeering artwork. I just pressed and pressed on the accelerator. I did not slam my foot on it. My anger was not in the boiling childish stage, anymore, my anger had turned cold, cold-hearted, calculated and intent upon the obliteration of that object which dared crossed paths with me. I pressed my foot and rammed my BMW sedan into the black Mustang. Then, put the car in reverse.
The crashing sounds of the denting metal bodies behind my car appeased and fueled my appetite for destruction, simultaneously. It, however, did not afford me much platform to set my automobile in reverse. I did not care. The space, the weather, the surroundings did not matter much. I was oblivious to all that. I was fixated on one objective, on one goal. I just had to teach this arrogant mule a lesson. A lesson that will be etched deeper than the dragon etched on the body of his vehicle. A lesson that every obnoxious, haughty, snobbish, intimidator, tyrant of a person would remember and tremble and cower at the mere mention of it.
I revved up my car’s engine, not once, not twice, not thrice, but four times, and accelerated again, hitting his car like a resolute and persistent raging bull. I wondered, sardonically, how he felt, now. Was he scared? Did he not think that his actions could also scare people? Hurt people? How could he NOT think that?! He was a functioning adult human being! If I could think about all that, then, he too, could think about it! There was no excuse for what he subjected people to! Ram! Reverse and ram, again. Reverse…
The space for reversing had increased. Maybe, the BMW adjusted with the space given to it for the action, or maybe the surrounding cars had backed off, it did not really matter to me. I just had to teach this nuisance his lesson. Ram and reverse. He should have never ever taken a human life for granted! Ram and reverse. Never! Ram and reverse. He had to understand and remember, ad infinitum, not to ever…ever misuse your power! Ram and reverse. Never bully others! Ram and reverse. Never create fear amongst those around you! Ram and reverse. NEVER!! Ram and reverse. What did he think of himself? Ram and reverse. Who did he think he was? Ram and reverse. I was here, today, to show him what he was! Ram and reverse. I was here, today, to show him what might is! Ram and reverse. He, this pitiable excuse for a human being, had simply etched pathetic dragon artwork on his Mustang. Ram and reverse. I was the dragon. Ram and reverse. I was fire. Ram and reverse. I was ferocious. Ram and reverse. I was annihilation. Ram and reverse. I was pandemonium. Ram and reverse. I was madness. Ram and reverse. I was his termination!! Ram! I…? Where was I…?
Fear clutched my heart. I…I was not me. I… was anger. I… had lost to anger. I… was run by anger. I… was a puppet. A mere puppet. I was a puppet to anger. I was a puppet to an emotion. I was a puppet to an instinct. To a state of mind. A temporary state of mind had enslaved me. My whole self. A state of mind that arose from witnessing unjust. A state of mind that derived from my natural aversion to misuse of power, might, resources. A state of mind that replied to his reckless, bullying manner. A state of mind that took control of me. A state of mind that made me become all that I stood against. I had become worse than what he was.
I had been at my weakest self. I had submitted my complete control to a mere emotion. An emotion, a deadly instinct, that left me as suddenly as it visited me, leaving me in the wake of the havoc I had wreaked.
My mind, now, in control of its throne, slumped in it, shocked and paralyzed, assessing the irreparable damage. The destructor had no talent of the creator. I was surrounded by the ruined landscape. The painting that had a grazed blemish created by his ripples of disturbance, now, was a fiasco. And on a much greater magnitude, my life became a complete and irreversible fiasco.
I had become my own annihilator… I had become my greatest enemy…I had become my own nemesis…
– SKY –
© Seemeen Khan Yousufzai and SKY’S REALM, 2015. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Seemeen Khan Yousufzai and SKY’S REALM with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.